I don't like them. At all.
I'm not going to be all "holier-than-thou" and say I never apply them, because I totally do. I'm working on it though.
One label I am constantly dodging, and admittedly omit until asked, is the fact that I'm Mormon. I don't like other Mormons to know I'm Mormon because frankly, they're disappointed when I don't meet their expectations of Mormon-ness. This is fine. Our church is about a personal relationship with God and I know that He loves me and my Mormon-ness.
I omit that I'm Mormon to those who are not because most of them have horror stories or super-creepy-all-too-personal questions that, frankly, are inappropriate and uncomfortable or loaded in nature. I'd rather people get to know me as the good person I'm trying to be and accept me for my values and how I practice those values as opposed to labeling me with a scarlet "M" that they are unwilling to see past. (And let me note, this is not everyone. My practice of omitting until asked began because of a choice few who were ass-hats.)
However, I have found peace in this practice, YEA, even joy :D No, really. I figure if someone really wants to know, they'll ask. And, it's usually the right kind of person, who already knows me, that asks and my Mormon-ness does not seem weird at that point. Allowing myself to live beyond a label - Mormon - has allowed me develop my life and path in a broader spectrum. I'm not confined to a certain attitude or word. I'm entitled to find useful purposes for doctrine and to think beyond the fact that "I'm Mormon so I can't." Doing this has also allowed me to question on a deeper and more meaningful level because in so many ways, Mormons can't or aren't allowed to question, but someone striving to live the doctrine of the L.D.S. church, or someone striving to live life to the fullest in any other context, can question and not be judged or condemned for doing so.
I felt the same relief from label-stress when I gave up on deciding to be Republican or Democrat.
That's one label I've been ditching.
However, in my particular case, I don't think labels would be completely useless. In light of a series of unfortunate incidents in the past six months, I think I SHOULD come with this label:
"Attention MOST men who are married or in serious/committed relationships and find themselves unhappy - you WlLL BE attracted to me. Don't worry, this is standard operating procedure. Just keep your thoughts and hands and phone numbers to yourselves. Single men who are looking for love - you WILL NOT be attracted to me. If you wish to be, get married or get serious and then wait to see if you find yourselves unhappy."
12 comments:
I feel you in your struggle with the Mormon label. One of my professors told me, "You're not like most Mormons," and I couldn't tell if I'd just been complimented or insulted. I feel like I'm not meeting some sort of moral standard if people can't tell I'm Mormon from the get-go, because when I first moved to America the other Mormon girls in my high school were surprised to learn that I was even Mormon, I was so different from them.
My professor also told me, "With some people, they tell you they're Mormon and that's all you need to know about them; you're not like that," and that made me feel better.
I do try to live my religion every day, and sometimes I wonder if it doesn't consume as much of my life as it should, but my life is going all right so far, and best as I can tell my prayers are getting answered, so I haven't wandered off the reservation as it were.
The label you think you ought to come with - wow. Sounds like it comes with some scary stories. Hopefully a new label will emerge for you in the coming months.
Sarah La,
I miss you so much. I can definitely empathize with your labels and most times wishing they didn't exist. Please remember at the end of the day the label you have to be most happy with is the one you choose to give yourself. I hope you give yourself one of love, faith, humor, sassiness, beauty, and intellect. This how I will always see you! I know I just labeled you, but it was positive so I thinks it's okay :)
This is so in line with what I've been going through as a vegan, the other most hated label! I was feeling like I had to bring the other 99% of myself to bear in order to apologize for being vegan, but now I'm just going with the label. I had this thought process: out of all the identities I claim, this is the one that presents the most friction in my life, so instead of backing off from that, I'm going to line up behind it and see what happens then. I'm actually loving it, because automatically, the most awkward part of any conversation is out on the table right from the get-go. I don't know how you'd feel about such an approach, but I do know that you're a Mormon who can totally destabilize someone's stereotype of Mormonism. I've just decided that, instead of shying away from what's perceived as a very cloistered identity, I'm going to be my big, broad-spectrum self within that and hopefully create a broader entry point for more people. I really think there are some parallels here with your faith. It might mean more friction in your near future, but it would be cool to go around bravely representing a totally likable, accessible version of something people previously assumed was radical and off-limits, no?
Sarah, you are not the "let's redirect every conversation into an opportunity to proselytize or make you feel less like a spiritual human because you don't believe the same as me" Mormon.
Remember, TLDS? (Feel free to use that but always cite your sources ;) .)
(Hannah, I am presuming you're probably the same kind of person, you know, you don't resort to thinly veiled, "I'm so nice and would never imply" insults because I'm a carnivore and love eating meat. Most of Sarah's friends are "live and let live" :D .)
Oh, (and Nagi, too), I forgot to mention that labels are everywhere and we all use them. They are a vital part of living and assist us in making quick decisions. "Safe place" or "get the hell out of here place." "Trustworthy person" or "freak", as well as decisions that require consideration, "good school for me because it's 'liberal'" or "too conservative for me." It's when someone else applies their understanding to us--attaches their label--that we become uncomfortable with labels. Humans fundamentally want to liberty to define themselves.
Oh my goodness. I feel you on the committed man thing. I have often wondered why it seems that I am most popular among the married or divorced crowd. I guess the grass is always greener for them...
I had a thought today, Sarah. When one says "this type" is attracted to me or "I am a ______ magnet" I always think (and sometimes ask), "Wait, it goes both ways: why are you attracted to that type or to _______."
Hi, Sarah, this is Telemoonfa!
I enjoy reading your blog. I kind of like it when Mormons aren't all Molly Mormons and Peter Priesthoods, because that helps make the "Mormon" label-umbrella bigger, and then more people can feel comfortable learning about and converting to our wonderful religion.
I kind of like it when Mormon guys have long hair, for example.
And I kind of like how Harry Reid is a Mormon, because he's so liberal, and Mormons are typically conservative. But then sometimes I think that Harry Reid ought to be excommunicated. Ha ha ha.
Wow! Thanks for all of the responses!
Nagi - I think it's good people think we're not like other Mormons and that the girls at your high school didn't know you were. If you were like the others, I don't think I'd enjoy your friendship as much :D
I worry too that I should live my religion more. But, when I take a step back, I realize that the only reason I feel that way is because I don't walk around with pass along cards and a name badge. Outward signifiers do not make the woman or the man.
Lindsay Kay - I miss you so much too! I miss our trips to the mall and giggling together and going to the park. Thank you for your sweet words. Those ARE labels I'm comfortable with :D
Hannah - I love our conversations and I wish we had more. I think what's different, and perhaps my reasoning behind omitting, is that a lot of Mormons think they need to turn every conversation into an opportunity to baptize. For me, it's a more brave action to present the label because I used to use the label as a reason to avoid using agency and thinking about committing to the life goals I am committed to. By avoiding the label, I challenge myself to understand myself and question my religion. However, my thought processes may soon change and I'll follow your example. Your fierce bravery is one of the things I love most about you.
R - I totally agree with your first two comments, and to your third, it's taken everything I have not to tear myself up and down looking for reasons why. I realize that I attract a certain individual and am attracted to some of them. The only thing I can think of right now is that I'm attracted to the boldness that each of them carried. In telling me they were attracted to me, they had nothing to lose since they already had a significant other. But, I'll need to do some more thinking as this is one thing I'd already been thinking about.
Carrie - Feel free to adopt my label :D
Telemoonfa - It's so good to see your name on here! I miss our Writing Center conversations. I like those things too, and I had no idea Harry Reid is a Mormon, but go him for being bold in action!
"...a lot of Mormons think they need to turn every conversation into an opportunity to baptize..." This is exactly the same snag I've run into, but substitute my beleaguered minority group for yours. Because the person I'm talking to has already stigmatized me, I'm in the position of either A) leaving out all mention of what is actually what makes me tick, or B) offering it in some sort of super submissive, hand licking fashion, like, I'm vegan, please don't hit me.
But I think we have to give people credit for wanting to connect with us as much as we want to connect with them, and whenever I've gone with the first option, it's just really hard to convey a snapshot of myself for them, which is really the initial thread we all need in order to grow closer to one another. Nothing else I'm doing or thinking really makes sense outside of that perspective, so I seem like a recalcitrant and jumbled mishmash. And the collection of stuff named Sarah Larue wouldn't seem nearly as cohesive and interesting as you do without the (yes) label of "Mormon" to lend relevance to your choices within that. The world is full of intellectual feminists, you know? (if I had a nickel for every one of them...) And rightly so, but you are a Mormon feminist intellectual (in whatever order) and that is SO INTERESTING! Like Maya Angelou said, “I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.” That young girl is you, my dear!
Which brings me to the unsuitability of option B – you just can’t be dodgy and covert about the things that you are a subject matter expert in, and you’re an expert in being a M.F.I. I’m an expert about vegan stuff. As such, it’s just not fair to the person you’re meeting not to include that in your bio-snapshot, and then they can respond to it or not. (People are so egotistical to think either one of us has nothing better to do than go around baptizing and proselytizing them! LOL) And I thank you for your compliment on bravery, but I’m really only now getting the knack of it.
To summarize, you should be comfortable in your skin, your multi-labled skin, because it’s an amazing, beautiful, unique skin. Viva la M.F.I.!
I'm proud to be Mormon. Most Mormons here think I'm a joke though.(I know I'm labeling the mormons of my current town)
When I tell people I'm fasting for Ramadan or I'm from Tucson they get this "You're not pure Mormon, You're not Mormon unless your great great great Grandfather who was converted by Brigham Young founded a small cotton town in southern arizona."
It bothers me. but in some wise words I once heard "I do not like being judged for judging others- it's hypocritical"
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